Fire Alarms
by DisappearingAlchemist
Summary: A quick oneshot based on my day at work this week. Havoc learns that fire alarms can be downright evil at times.


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I don't own FullMetal Alchemist, nor any characters therein. No profit is being made from this story. blah blah blah, you know the drill

Just a quick one-shot based on my day at work this week to pass the time while I suffer from writer's block on my other fic. Fire alarms are truly evil things. And whoever the genius at my work is who thought that the area right outside the emergency exit by my work area would be a great place for a rock garden is even more evil.

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_Another day of paperwork. I thought life in the military would be more exciting than this. _Lieutenant Havoc stared at the sheet of paper on the desk, wracking his brains as to the best way to word his report on the brief meeting he had attended yesterday. He had already discussed the matter with Mustang so a paper report was hardly necessary; he was only required to do this, and several other reports, as a form of punishment. It wasn't stated as such, of course; Mustang was rather lax with his men, and the prank Havoc pulled earlier that morning was hardly worthy of any disciplinary action. No, he'd just had the bad misfortune of catching the Colonel on a bad day, and this was his way of getting even.

_Ah, it was worth it to see the look on his face, _Havoc thought with a smile as he remembered the sight of Mustang scrabbling away from his desk as a rather large fake spider had 'leaped' towards him. He had then refused to approach his desk for a good hour, making any number of mumbled excuses about going on routine inspections and the like. Which did not find favor with Lt. Hawkeye once she arrived, as she assumed him to be simply dodging work until a chuckling Havoc let her in on the joke. A joke not well received by Mustang once Hawkeye informed him the spider was fake.

Mustang, however, had not been the intended victim of his little joke, but then, how could Havoc have known that the Colonel would go straight for his paperwork upon arriving? Usually he went out of his way to put off his work for as long as possible, leaving his Lt. to shuffle through the paperwork, putting the most important on top so as to have those at least finished in a timely manner. Although perhaps it worked out for the best as Breda informed him, once she had gone to track down the Colonel, that Hawkeye wasn't the least bit afraid of spiders. Figured.

Finally deciding on what he felt was the best presentation, he bent over the paper and began writing.

_**SCREEE!!! SCREEE!!! SCREEE!!!**_

Havoc's pen skittered across the paper as he jumped at the sudden noise, Breda muttering a small curse beside him. The Colonel had immediately risen from his chair, instinctively reaching for his gloves before Hawkeye stated, "It's the fire alarm," her voice only just audible over the constant screaming of the alarm.

"Was a drill scheduled for today?" he asked as they all moved for the door.

She gave a shrug, "Not that I was aware, sir."

The hall was filled with soldiers of various ranks, all making their way towards the exits. No one seemed particularly alarmed, and after checking with several officers it was clear that there was no real emergency.

Outside the air was perfectly still, the wailing sirens muffled by the thick walls of the building they had all just evacuated. A soft confused babble ran through the growing crowd of officers as they collected at their various assigned meeting points, their superiors doing quick head counts. Once Mustang was certain that all he was responsible for were present, which included quite a few soldiers besides the five whom worked immediately under him, he left to report to his superiors.

"Well, it beats paperwork," Havoc commented as he lit up a cigarette once Mustang was gone. "What do you think is going on?"

"Just a routine drill. They likely wanted to see how quickly we reacted without prior warning," Hawkeye replied, frowning slightly at two Sergeants whose antics were quickly dissolving into rough horseplay. Seeing that no one was stepping in to put the two men in line she calmly walked over and proceeded to dress them down.

"Looks like it's going to rain," Breda announced, his words quickly followed by a roll of thunder in the distance as proof of his observation.

"Lovely. I hope they wrap this up before it starts," Havoc grumbled, then brightened instantly when the word was given to return to the building.

Getting back into Headquarters proved to take longer than getting out as the doors could only allow so many people to pass through at a time. As such, Havoc, Breda, Falman, Fuery, and many other officers were still outside when the downpour began. The hall was filled with the squeaking of wet boots as the unfortunate men made their way back to their respective posts. As they filed back into the room, they noticed with mild annoyance that both Mustang and Hawkeye were already present, and completely dry.

They quickly settled in and resumed their interrupted work, mentally cursing whoever decided it would be a good idea to have a fire drill just now. Outside the window, lightening flashed, followed by a large crack of thunder as the storm raged on. Rain poured down in sheets, drowning out the mundane sounds of the office. Havoc leaned his chair back on two legs as he tried to collect his interrupted thoughts...

_**SCREEE!!! SCREEE!!! SCREEE!!!**_

...and nearly fell over as the siren screamed back to life once again.

"They can't be serious!" Fuery protested, looking up from the short wave radio he had been repairing.

"There is no way I'm going back out into that!" Havoc chimed in, as he stared at the wall of water visible just beyond the glass. Out in the hall dim protests of other soldiers could be heard between the screeching of the alarm.

From his desk, Mustang let out a sigh as he stood up, giving the others in the room a pointed look suggesting they had better do the same.

The procession outside was moving considerably slower this time as no one was eager to stand out in such weather. The confused babble that had dominated the courtyard moments earlier was now replaced by angry grumbles. A few lucky people had brought umbrellas with them, and were now finding themselves mobbed by those around them in their effort to stay dry. Havoc noticed, rather glumly, that Lt. Hawkeye was one of the lucky ones in possession of an umbrella, though only the Colonel shared the space underneath.

"Where'd she get the umbrella?" he heard Falman whisper enviously as he joined the group.

"I'm still trying to figure out how she got in so quickly the first time," Fuery muttered, head bent so as to keep as little rain from splattering his glasses as possible.

Havoc chewed on a soggy cigarette as he gazed about the courtyard. "None of the Generals are out," he observed sourly. Behind him Breda muttered something incomprehensible. Judging from the tone, he was better off not knowing what was said.

Once again, the word was given to return to the building after only a few moments, and once again, it took some time for everyone to file through the doors. This time the four men beat Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye into the office, and were already well into their work once again when the two appeared. Hawkeye was holding a folder full of papers, indicating they had made a side trip on their way back to the office.

Hawkeye gave the men a disapproving glance as she took in the sight of their soggy jackets slung over the backs of their chairs, puddles of water collecting beneath them, but said nothing as she walked by. For some time the only noise, besides the rain that continued to pound against the building, was that of scratching pens and shuffling paper. At this point, Havoc would have been content to hear nothing but this for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, such was not meant to be, as not even an hour later the fire alarms once again screamed to life. Havoc slumped in on himself with a moan, and was certain he heard a small whimper from Fuery. The hall outside erupted with complaints.

Mustang rose from his chair with a loud sigh. "No, don't bother," he stated as the others moved to follow him out of the room. "I'll not have my men catch pneumonia over false alarms. I'm going to go see just what is going on," he strode angrily from the room, nearly slamming the door behind him as he left. Havoc made a mental note not to do anything else that may aggravate him further for the rest of the day for risk of being roasted.

The alarms silenced once again shortly after the Colonel left much to everyone's relief. _Too much more of this and I won't be able to hear anymore, _Havoc grumbled to himself, his ears ringing. Several minutes later Mustang returned, looking extremely annoyed. Five pairs of curious eyes looked up at him expectantly as he entered the room.

"They're having trouble with the fire alarms," Mustang made the obvious announcement as he returned to his desk, "Though why they couldn't inform us..." he began in a strained voice as a knock sounded at the door. "Yes?" he asked.

A young Sergeant poked his head into the door and gave a quick salute, "I was sent to inform everyone that the fire alarms are malfunctioning and that you can disregard any future alarms, sir."

Mustang leveled a fierce gaze upon the Sergeant before closing his eyes for a moment, obviously trying to reign in his temper. "Thank you, Sergeant," he finally replied in a hushed voice as he sat down. "Dismissed," he added as he gathered up his unfinished work.

The Sergeant gave a nervous salute, obviously fearing he had done something to gain the Colonel's disapproval, before leaving the room. As if on cue, the fire alarms screamed back to life as soon as he was gone. Looking over at his superior's desk, Havoc saw Mustang eyeing his gloves thoughtfully. No doubt he was considering destroying the alarm that was merrily screaming away over the doorway.

"Sir," Hawkeye's voice held a note of warning. Her eyes never left her paperwork, yet she still knew exactly what he was thinking.

"It's already broken; it wouldn't make much difference now..." Mustang muttered, but went back to his paperwork. He did his best to project an air of calm indifference, but a slight tick was starting to develop at the corner of his right eye.

_This is going to be a long day, _Havoc thought as he tried his best to shut out the earsplitting sound.

Lieutenant Havoc trudged up the stairs to his apartment wearily. The rain had finally stopped an hour ago, but his trip home had been far from dry. He'd had to walk through no less than three puddles, each nearly large enough to qualify as lakes, and as if that wasn't bad enough, a passing car had thrown up a tidal wave of dirty water thoroughly soaking him from head to toe. Worst of all, his cigarettes were completely water logged. He couldn't wait to get inside, take a nice hot shower, smoke a cigarette...maybe two, then collapse into bed.

The building was unusually dark, he noticed as he slipped his key into the lock. Not even the lamp outside was on. He opened the door and flipped the light switch on the wall. Nothing happened. "Great. Storm must have knocked the power out. Perfect," he moaned as he shut the door and hunted for a candle. Luckily there was a full moon out, providing enough light through the windows for him to find and light some candles before hopping into the shower.

_Actually...it's kind of peaceful with the power out,_ Havoc mused as he relaxed in bed, a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth. _And no alarms. My ears are still ringing. _The alarms had continued to go off throughout the day, with pauses in between lasting anywhere from an hour to only a few minutes. He sorely hoped that they had the problem fixed tomorrow; he never wanted to hear another fire alarm again. He took one last puff, then snuffed the cigarette into an ashtray and settled himself down for a peaceful nights sleep.

He awoke seemingly minutes later to the shrill beeping of his apartment's fire alarm. He let out a string of curses as he nearly fell out of his bed at the sudden noise. He ran out into the living area, then into the kitchen, trying to locate any fire or smoke. Finding nothing he flung open his front door just as the alarm silenced itself. He blinked in confusion, then noticed that the light was on; he hadn't turned the switch off from his previous attempt.

_Power's back. _He gave a sigh as he closed and locked his door before returning to bed, grimacing when he noted the time on the clock. _2am. Ugh, it's going to take forever for me to calm down enough to get back to sleep. And why is mine the only fire alarm to go off whenever the power goes?!_ He hadn't heard any of the neighbor's fire alarms when he stuck his head into the hall. He lit another cigarette as he tried to will his nerves to calm and cursed whoever it was who invented fire alarms.


End file.
